Yesterday my sister was here. I love my sister dearly. I just want to say that from the start. She has no idea what it's been like to walk in my shoes for the last 30 years. No one in my family understood the grief that I was living with, so it's not just her.
Anyway, yesterday she brought up the situation with the Baptist church group that was trying to "help" the 33 children in Haiti. She said "can you believe they were trying to kidnap those children?"
Now this is a step in the right direction. If she sees it this way, there's hope. I'm hoping that the situation will bring alot of attention to the atrocities committed in the name of "helping" children. Otherwise known as adoption. I'm hoping this will open people's eyes and they will start to look at adoption in a different way, not just take for granted that adoption is a wonderful thing.
Back to my sister. She then proceeded to tell me about a book she was reading about pregnant women in prison and what was done to them. How they took their babies from them. She was horrified. I then went on to tell her about the Baby Scoop Era and what was done to young mothers then (pillows over their faces, threats to send them to the psyche ward if they didn't sign, having them sign while heavily sedated, etc.) She listened. But then proceeded to tell me about some woman she works with who has a daughter in law who has had 4 children that she doesn't want and got rid of 3 and is trying to get rid of the 4th. She said she just doesn't WANT them.
The conversation then turned to another woman she works with who's son's girlfriend was pregnant with twins. And her MOTHER, can you believe it? Her own MOTHER talked her into having an abortion. How horrible! (For the record, I do not believe in abortion, I don't condemn those who've had one, but it's not something I believe in)
My sister could not seem to grasp the fact that women are talked into giving their babies up for adoption as well. By their own MOTHERS, among other people. I finally got tired of it and said that it's amazing how people can sympathize with those who've had abortions but not with birth moms.
She quickly went back to the mom with the 4 children that she DIDN'T WANT. And I told her she just proved my point.
I'm sick of it. I'm SO incredibly sick of it. I've been reading alot of comments lately from women looking to adopt, or who have adopted, and they make the statement that "they could NEVER give their babies away" and don't understand how the birth mother can do that.
They greedily grab our babies and then turn around and condemn us. How dare they? They coerce, sweet talk, and promise open adoptions to "their" birth mothers and then turn around and stab them in the back.
Ok, I'm not done with my sister yet. She "forgets" that just a year ago her unmarried daughter (who's in her 20s) told them that she was pregnant. My niece came to ME first. She wanted someone on her side. She didn't want to get an abortion, and just wanted to know that she would have someone to back her up in her decision before she told her parents.
Sure enough, BOTH of her parents tried to talk her into having an abortion. (just like my sister tried to talk me into aborting JJ, 30 yrs ago).
Somehow, my sister conveniently forgets about all of this. I wanted to scream. I didn't say a word. It doesn't do any good, and only upsets my mom when we argue, so I kept silent, like usual.
I DID tell her that if she wants to read some good books about adoption, I can loan her some. Apparently she's not interested as she left empty handed.
My sister cannot handle the truth about my life. She tells me all the time how LUCKY I am to have found JJ and have a relationship with him in the GOOD years of life. How LUCKY I am to not have to have been there for the HARD years. The growing up years. The school years.
She can say that because she has all the memories of raising her daughter. The good memories and the bad ones. She has all the baby pictures, the school pictures, and now the pictures of her granddaughter as well. Not to mention she has an actual part in their lives. She is INCLUDED in their lives! She knows what is happening in their lives. (My son was injured on Monday and I found out about it by accident on Friday).
I've got a hand full of pictures, not enough to make up a whole photo album. A phone call once every 6 months IF I'm lucky, and maybe a comment or two on Facebook every once in a while. Yeah, I feel really lucky.