Monday, February 8, 2010

A Fad

Fad. I'm not sure that's the right word for it. But I can't think of any other to describe it. What am I talking about? I'm talking about some people's attitude toward adoption.

According to some people, it's just a way to get what you want.

This attitude is SO disturbing to me. It is totally about what the PAPs WANT or NEED. Not about providing a home for a child that truly NEEDS one!

While browsing blogs yesterday, I found this one, and I am sickened by this lady's attitude.

She has a name that she has always LOVED since she's been an adult. A name she has picked out for a girl, and she wants a girl so she can use this name. HUH?

She goes on to tell about how she had 4 brothers growing up and when her mom was expecting baby #5, they wanted it to be a girl SO BAD, but it was JUST another boy. Then her mom had ANOTHER baby, and it was ANOTHER boy and they were all pretty upset. And since then she's looked forward to getting married and having a girl, and that urgency to have one has never left her.

And now she says "I am still determined to have that girl. If I am ever to give birth and all boys pop out, I will adopt that girl. I just want one so bad."

I cannot tell you how badly this disturbs me. This is not the atttitude you should have going in to an adoption. This is the attitude of a spoiled brat wanting what she wants and nobody is going to stop her, not even God. Because if God won't give her a girl, she's just going to go out and buy one for herself, and then tell the world that God blessed her with this little baby girl who was meant to be hers but grew in the wrong tummy. Or some such nonsense as that.

Folks, this is a purely selfish reason to adopt a child. A purely selfish reason to separate a first mom from her baby. And I'm sickened by it.

I wonder if she will be at all interested in reading books like "The Primal Wound"?

This breaks my heart for so many obvious reasons. One that may not be as obvious is the fact that PAPs use God to justify their actions, pretty much turning adoption into a "Christian" act. Yes, it is a Christian thing to do IF the child is truly an orphan or for some other reason truly in NEED of a home and someone to take care of him.

I realize there are babies born into bad situations and they are in need of loving homes, there are exceptions, I'm not that naive, but I think the tide has turned. In reading many blogs lately, the attitude seems to be more like the woman I spoke of above.

There is so much twisting of Scripture that goes on by Adoption Agencies and PAPs, to justify their actions. They take Scripture out of context and that is wrong. It is turning people against God and causing alot of hatred toward Christians. This truly is heart breaking to me. I just wish people would understand that God is not behind all of this. God made families, why would he be behind ripping them apart? Satan, on the other hand, loves to destroy families.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

My Sister's Delusions

Yesterday my sister was here. I love my sister dearly. I just want to say that from the start. She has no idea what it's been like to walk in my shoes for the last 30 years. No one in my family understood the grief that I was living with, so it's not just her.

Anyway, yesterday she brought up the situation with the Baptist church group that was trying to "help" the 33 children in Haiti. She said "can you believe they were trying to kidnap those children?"

Now this is a step in the right direction. If she sees it this way, there's hope. I'm hoping that the situation will bring alot of attention to the atrocities committed in the name of "helping" children. Otherwise known as adoption. I'm hoping this will open people's eyes and they will start to look at adoption in a different way, not just take for granted that adoption is a wonderful thing.

Back to my sister. She then proceeded to tell me about a book she was reading about pregnant women in prison and what was done to them. How they took their babies from them. She was horrified. I then went on to tell her about the Baby Scoop Era and what was done to young mothers then (pillows over their faces, threats to send them to the psyche ward if they didn't sign, having them sign while heavily sedated, etc.) She listened. But then proceeded to tell me about some woman she works with who has a daughter in law who has had 4 children that she doesn't want and got rid of 3 and is trying to get rid of the 4th. She said she just doesn't WANT them.

The conversation then turned to another woman she works with who's son's girlfriend was pregnant with twins. And her MOTHER, can you believe it? Her own MOTHER talked her into having an abortion. How horrible! (For the record, I do not believe in abortion, I don't condemn those who've had one, but it's not something I believe in)

My sister could not seem to grasp the fact that women are talked into giving their babies up for adoption as well. By their own MOTHERS, among other people. I finally got tired of it and said that it's amazing how people can sympathize with those who've had abortions but not with birth moms.

She quickly went back to the mom with the 4 children that she DIDN'T WANT. And I told her she just proved my point.

I'm sick of it. I'm SO incredibly sick of it. I've been reading alot of comments lately from women looking to adopt, or who have adopted, and they make the statement that "they could NEVER give their babies away" and don't understand how the birth mother can do that.

They greedily grab our babies and then turn around and condemn us. How dare they? They coerce, sweet talk, and promise open adoptions to "their" birth mothers and then turn around and stab them in the back.

Ok, I'm not done with my sister yet. She "forgets" that just a year ago her unmarried daughter (who's in her 20s) told them that she was pregnant. My niece came to ME first. She wanted someone on her side. She didn't want to get an abortion, and just wanted to know that she would have someone to back her up in her decision before she told her parents.

Sure enough, BOTH of her parents tried to talk her into having an abortion. (just like my sister tried to talk me into aborting JJ, 30 yrs ago).

Somehow, my sister conveniently forgets about all of this. I wanted to scream. I didn't say a word. It doesn't do any good, and only upsets my mom when we argue, so I kept silent, like usual.

I DID tell her that if she wants to read some good books about adoption, I can loan her some. Apparently she's not interested as she left empty handed.

My sister cannot handle the truth about my life. She tells me all the time how LUCKY I am to have found JJ and have a relationship with him in the GOOD years of life. How LUCKY I am to not have to have been there for the HARD years. The growing up years. The school years.

She can say that because she has all the memories of raising her daughter. The good memories and the bad ones. She has all the baby pictures, the school pictures, and now the pictures of her granddaughter as well. Not to mention she has an actual part in their lives. She is INCLUDED in their lives! She knows what is happening in their lives. (My son was injured on Monday and I found out about it by accident on Friday).

I've got a hand full of pictures, not enough to make up a whole photo album. A phone call once every 6 months IF I'm lucky, and maybe a comment or two on Facebook every once in a while. Yeah, I feel really lucky.