Monday, February 8, 2010

A Fad

Fad. I'm not sure that's the right word for it. But I can't think of any other to describe it. What am I talking about? I'm talking about some people's attitude toward adoption.

According to some people, it's just a way to get what you want.

This attitude is SO disturbing to me. It is totally about what the PAPs WANT or NEED. Not about providing a home for a child that truly NEEDS one!

While browsing blogs yesterday, I found this one, and I am sickened by this lady's attitude.

She has a name that she has always LOVED since she's been an adult. A name she has picked out for a girl, and she wants a girl so she can use this name. HUH?

She goes on to tell about how she had 4 brothers growing up and when her mom was expecting baby #5, they wanted it to be a girl SO BAD, but it was JUST another boy. Then her mom had ANOTHER baby, and it was ANOTHER boy and they were all pretty upset. And since then she's looked forward to getting married and having a girl, and that urgency to have one has never left her.

And now she says "I am still determined to have that girl. If I am ever to give birth and all boys pop out, I will adopt that girl. I just want one so bad."

I cannot tell you how badly this disturbs me. This is not the atttitude you should have going in to an adoption. This is the attitude of a spoiled brat wanting what she wants and nobody is going to stop her, not even God. Because if God won't give her a girl, she's just going to go out and buy one for herself, and then tell the world that God blessed her with this little baby girl who was meant to be hers but grew in the wrong tummy. Or some such nonsense as that.

Folks, this is a purely selfish reason to adopt a child. A purely selfish reason to separate a first mom from her baby. And I'm sickened by it.

I wonder if she will be at all interested in reading books like "The Primal Wound"?

This breaks my heart for so many obvious reasons. One that may not be as obvious is the fact that PAPs use God to justify their actions, pretty much turning adoption into a "Christian" act. Yes, it is a Christian thing to do IF the child is truly an orphan or for some other reason truly in NEED of a home and someone to take care of him.

I realize there are babies born into bad situations and they are in need of loving homes, there are exceptions, I'm not that naive, but I think the tide has turned. In reading many blogs lately, the attitude seems to be more like the woman I spoke of above.

There is so much twisting of Scripture that goes on by Adoption Agencies and PAPs, to justify their actions. They take Scripture out of context and that is wrong. It is turning people against God and causing alot of hatred toward Christians. This truly is heart breaking to me. I just wish people would understand that God is not behind all of this. God made families, why would he be behind ripping them apart? Satan, on the other hand, loves to destroy families.


  1. Well, I agree - to a point. First, having been one of those foster kids I can tell you this...not all of them are truly in need of homes. Their parents are simply unable to keep up with the demands social services places on them.

    Imagine these are the rules you have to live by to get the children taken from your home for being poor (not enough to go around, whatever) or just being someone that ends up under the watchful eye of social services because the neighbor thinks that two boys should never fight, or a teenage girl does not shout or scream at you when she is mad.

    So try living like this:

    Your house must be emaculate, all of the time.

    You must have employment or be searching for employment, unless you are handicapped, then you fall under different rules.

    You must make every appointment with social services, even when the appointment will cost you some of that work you do - or a job since you have to go once a week and employers do not like to have to give a day off (usually a different one each time) to employees.

    You must be willing to not speak of anything at home when you are allowed to see your child(ren) at a CPS office under the scrutiny of - not a trained social worker - a person that is asked to stand in since the social worker has better things to do.

    You can never fail to maintain any of these rules. One failure and you then are required start over in the process to get your child back.

    Meanwhile, social services is busily going to court (that you are not entitled to be notified of) taking custody since you are obviously not able to parent. The rules state that they have to try for 6 months to allow you to get your children back. They are supposed to provide you every service that is necessary to assist in that goal - it never happens. And the Universe forbid your child goes back to the foster home and is acting out - geez, just because they are being forced to leave the ones they love and go to a strangers home, that is not a reason to be upset! If this happens, it is touted as proof that abuse is occuring.

    They took my daughter because I was a foster child when she was born. No other reason. I was puking my guts up when the social worker supervisor was in court taking custody of my child - she did not even have a legal name, just sex and my name! The papers had her named as baby girl (my last name), which was never her name.

    So, before you cry over those kids - read - find out - you would be horrified how many of those kids were removed for things such as a swat on the butt to get a child's attention (not a beating, there is a difference), or because some social worker decided that since the family was struggling with bills from medical care, etc., they needed help - oh shoot, they never got back on their feet!

    Foster children have families - 8 out of 10 times - that love and want them. But the system pays to keep them there - you pay to keep them in care. Care that is filled with pedophiles, abusers and money grubbers.

    I know, I was there. I was a foster child.

  2. Thank you for your comment Lori. I removed that part of my post, because I realized I don't know enough about the Foster Care system to have said what I did. Thank you for helping me to see that. I know a few things, but not near what you pointed out to me.

    I'm so sorry that you have suffered so much. It sounds like social services makes it very difficult to keep their rules, thus keeping kids in the system.

    I guess I was only thinking about getting them out of the foster care system.