Saturday, January 23, 2010

Turn the Dial, Please

By the end of this week, I was so sick of the radio station that I listen to. I had to keep it off, as I found myself getting too angry to listen.

I listen to a Christian station, and this week, of course they were focused on abortion, or rather, not having an abortion.

I am pro-life, myself, but I'm not one of those fanatical, condemning "Christians" that will scream at you outside of an abortion clinic. I don't believe that accomplishes anything besides turning people against Christianity.

On the contrary, I have much compassion and sympathy for women who have had abortions. Especially those who are having emotional problems in dealing with it. I have found over the years that many of the symptoms and emotional difficulties are similar to those of us who suffer with dealing with adoption loss.

The reason I was upset is because I find it disturbing that many in the Christian community who are able to embrace and show compassion to women who have had abortions are the same ones who will turn their backs on us. They don't want to hear the voices of the unhappy birth moms and adoptees.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm glad they are compassionate towards the women who are suffering from Post Abortion syndrome. That's as it should be. They should do all they can to show love to them, and help them.

All I ask for is an equal voice. Equal compassion. Equal help. Equal understanding of our pain.

I don't think that's too much to ask.

I want Dr. Dobson to interview a birth mother. I want to hear compassion in his voice towards her as she describes her loss and how her life has been without her child. I don't want to hear him tell her that she made the right choice.

AND Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I think she's wonderful, but I'd also like her to take the time to talk to a birth mom too. To show her some love and compassion and understanding.

I want their attitudes towards adoption to CHANGE. I want for them to stop seeing it as God's will. That's offensive to me. Unfortunately it's something largely used by adoption agencies all across our country.

I want them and others like them to acknowledge our pain. I want them to start to see the adoption industry for what it REALLY is. I want them to open their eyes and have them understand that not all adoptions are necessary, that what is really needed is for Christians to come along side of young women, WHILE THEY ARE PREGNANT and in NEED. To take them under their wing, to help them to find the help they need, so they are able to parent their own child. To focus on family preservation.

Isn't that what a church community is supposed to do? Reach out to someone in need?

I don't want them to tell adoptees to be grateful they are alive and well, and weren't aborted. I want them to listen to them as they describe their pain and what they've gone through their whole lives. How life is different for them, and acknowledge that it IS different.

I don't want them to turn it into an abortion issue. Because it's NOT.

I just want them to LISTEN. That would be a good start.

Sunday, January 3, 2010


I have not posted here for a while. I started a new job and was busy learning it, it's something I really enjoy, but had to throw myself into it to be successful. I've reached a point where I can start to breathe again, and take time for other areas of my life once again.

So, to catch up with my situation with JJ. After he told me that he doesn't need me or really want to hear from me again unless I have something important to say, or unless there is an emergency, I did what he wanted me to do, and after a 3 hr conversation, pretty much went silent in his life.

The silence didn't last long. On HIS part, not mine. He started calling me more often than he ever has. Was he sorry for the things he had said? Did he not feel the same way anymore? I have no idea. I just talk to him when he calls and love him. For now that's all I can do. It went months before I was comfortable calling him again, but I have called him, and he thanks me whenever I call him.

We seem to have better conversations than we used to, I think I'm more relaxed because, hey, the worst thing in my mind that could happen, has already happened. He told me he didn't need me or want me, so what do I have to lose anymore? So I try my best to just be myself, if he likes me for who I am, that's wonderful, if he doesn't? Well, that will be heartbreaking, but I can't be someone that I'm not, just because he wants me to be.

One of the major problems is our religious beliefs. He is as strong in his beliefs as I am in mine. The problem is that we believe very differently. We have had many discussions, not arguments, about the differences, and I know he respects those discussions, and even enjoys them. He has never run across a Christian before that showed genuine love to him in spite of his beliefs, one that did not talk down to him, or put him down.

That is, until me. I don't think he quite knows what to do with me. I will not reject my Lord and Savior for anyone, and JJ knows this. And he respects this. I know for a fact that if I said, "ok, I think you're right, and I'm going to reject all my beliefs and follow what you believe from now on, and we will have all things in common, and won't that be great?" I KNOW for a fact, that he would lose all respect for me and would not be happy about this.

And then there is his adoptive mom. She claims to be a Christian and has taken sheer pleasure in showing me her "superior" knowledge of the Bible. (She is a college graduate, I'm not) She likes to spout off her knowledge of things like Jewish traditions, customs, etc, and even claims to have a favorite Jewish holiday. She has a lot of head knowledge of the Bible, but she doesn't have heart knowledge. I do not believe she has a relationship with Jesus Christ. I say this because you cannot be on both sides of the fence at the same time, like she tries to be.

JJ has this misconception of what love is. He believes that she loves him much more than I possibly ever can, and I don't think it's because she was there for him all these years, but more because she backs him up in his beliefs. Even while she is claiming to be a Christian. He believes that because she goes along with everything he says and does, and especially since she was the one to support him and buy him his first occult books to study at around the age of 12, that she has so much love for him. Whereas, on the other hand, I don't support him in this, so I can't possibly really love him. I risk my relationship with him because of all of it. A mother is not supposed to give a child something that will harm him, just because he wants it. I think it's all very confusing to him. She acts almost like a groupie of his, instead of his mom.

Some day he will understand the depth of my love for him, he just can't see it right now.

For now all I can do for him is pray for him, be there for him, and love him. No matter what. And I do.