I can't believe how quickly time goes by. I haven't posted for a while because I've been sick. Finally today I've had a bit of an appetite and was able to eat a little better, so hopefully I will gain my strength back soon!
In my last post I think I gave the impression that I just sit back and wait for my son to do everything in our relationship, but that's not the way it is. I am the one that usually calls him to see how he's doing, and to just stay in touch. I send him birthday presents and Christmas presents to him and his girlfriend. I've tried to keep in touch with him more by emailing him or sending messages through myspace, but he just doesn't ever respond, so I stopped that.
Someone suggested that he needs me to be a mom. I truly think I have been, and I won't list the things I've done or that I do, because I just don't have the energy tonight to do that. But it all boils down to the fact that he knows I love him, and he knows how much I love him. But I also will not push myself on him. I've seen too many bmoms do that to their son or daughter and they usually end up running from it. It seems like maybe it doesn't matter what you do or say, certain relationships will make it and others just won't. I'm not giving up. I'm just hoping and praying that this is just a bump in the road, and he will change his mind.
At any rate, I'm not sitting around crying or being depressed. Life goes on. I love him and I miss him and wish he would want to spend more time getting to know me, because I certainly want to spend more time getting to know him. But I've handed it over to God, and I'm letting Him be in control of the situation. He knows my son and He knows me. I trust that things will work out for the best somehow and in good time. I pray that whatever His best is, that I will be able to accept it and go on with life.
And for now, I have peace about it all. I am able to have joy filled days because He is good and my hubby is good, and my home is good, and my family is good ... there is much good in my life!
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ." (Philippians 4:7)
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5b)
"And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord." (Psalm 40:3)